A rant!!

OK So I work in media (even though i hate the industry!) and i’m looking at the beeb (that’s the BBC for those of you who don’t know) and I find out that they’re focusing on freedom of speech to celebrate 75 years of BBC World Service (what a celebration that will be!!).                                                                                                                                                                     It got me thinking…We all know that newspapers love to sensationalise and sometimes mislead their consumers…how do they get away with it??? Is this the unfortunate cost of press freedom?? What are the arguments FOR  press freedom??                                                                                                                                                                              In terms of arguments for, a lot of media savvy’s (snotty b*****ds i like to call them) think that press freedom equates to the right of self expression…great!! fantastic!! If we never had that right, I would not be able to air my views like I am now. However…as far as I’m concerned, you cannot apply this theory to that of powerful insitutions like Rupert Murdoch’s       News Corp (sorry Rupert, I know you own this site, but you know I’m right ). If you’re going to apply something like that to insitutions, then consider this…as individuals, we are powerless and we can do harm if we are careless about our accuracy. We don’t allow major companies like Sainsbury’s or British Airways to be inaccurate about their productsHowever there are even laws for us against slander, inciting hatred and libel. Now if  insitutions like the media were casual about accuracy, it can cause a great load of damage to the reputation of individuals and to that of large insitutions and communities. If the powerful conglomerates of the media today had unconditional freedom of speech, they would easily be able to be inaccurate, causing great damage to others and therefore underminig democracy…so all that rubbish about press freedom being like freedom of speech is frankly UNREAL…i don’t care how fashionable it is!                                                                                                                                                                                                  Speaking of democracy..again the media savvy’s think that press freedom appeals to the needs of democracy…again…and to be honest i ..think about it…democracy would needs a press that can inform it’s citizens ACCURTAELY! And of course if  requirements for accuracy were too tightly drawn then frankly i think the press would be intimidated. And no one can be sure of getting everything correct even with the zealous “Fact-checking”…                                                                                                                                                                                                  Frankly I think that the whole press freedom thing is unjustified! The government have a HUGE influence over the media (which i hope we all know)…and personally, I think that the press is there, to help the government influence the way in which society develops…as the views and morals of the government and the press changes so will the minds of some individuals (i.e those who rely on nothing but the press for their facts!). However I would like to think that society is  developed enough to be able to have their own views, opinions and morals in life! Why should we have to live life the way soceity expects us to!?! We are afterall INDIVIDUALS!! Slightly of track there, but hey..I’M RANDOM!! 😀

The Feeling You’re Loosing Someone Close….

You ever get that feeling? You know..when things just seem that teeny weeny bit different between you and a special someone.

It’s not the best of feelings is it? And you obviously want to get this matter sorted.
But how do you approach your friend about this? What if your friend is not feeling the same? 

The reason for all of this is because I’ve been speaking to a friend recently and conversations have gone a bit..downhill shall we say…conversation is awkward…for me anyway. There seems to be the good old msn silence.
FOR A LONG TIME!

Have we run out of things to say to eachother? Have we lost interest in eachother? Most of my friends are my friends because they have depth and I have an interest in their lives, views so on and so fourth. I should be able to not speak to them for a week, then get in touch with them and we both have quite a bit to say to eachother.
I would’ve hoped! 

But when me and this friend of mine have had our conversations recently…it’s something I’m not liking. We seem distant from eachother.
Maybe our interests lie somewhere else? But I don’t want it to get to that!!!! 😦

I seriously believe that you can “break up” from friends, but this is a friend that I don’t want it to happen with. However I feel like I’m slowly losing someone who is one of the closest friends I have..(those of you close to me, probably know who this certain someone is…)

How do you avoid this potential “break-up”? How do you approach someone about something like this, which is pretty serious. What if they think differently.
Does this make things even MORE awkward between you? Am I over reacting? Is it jealousy?

I’m rambling now…so gonna shut up! But was GREAT getting it off ma chest! 

Hmmmm..I’ll let you know of any developments in this!!

The Supporting Cast

Ok so while I get used to this whole new world of “blogging” (who on earth came up with that word??), I thought I’d better introduce you to some of the people in my life and if it wasn’t for these guys, there would probably be nothing for me to write about.

The Mother and Father – The mother and father I’ve known for about 20 odd years now. Lived with them. Argued with them. Laughed. The usual! But they are two of the most influential people in my life and like bro and sis. But that’s all you need to know really. Audience, Mum and Dad. Mum and Dad, Audience.

Ka-os: We should have met in our previous lives and probably married eachother and lived happily ever after. He’s the boyfriend I never had. My voice of sanity and reason in this crazy city…but the best part is, he gets me without any judgment whatsoever…something I’ve come to value in people I keep close to me.

Liamyul: Liamyul is the one person who lives within a 5 mile radius of my house who is considered a true friend of mine. We tell eachother everything, have MAD nights out, argue over which men we think are hot or not and so on and so fourth! Expect a lot of fun with this one!

And Breathe

This is it…this is is..I’ve finally taken the plunge! Decided to write…to you lot of all people!

It’s actually 3.00am on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and I’m sat here listening to Buddah Bar on my iTunes and I’ve decided to come up with a blog. WHY??!

Did something MAJOR happen in my life today?? Have I just come out of a terrible relationship and I need to let my feelings known?? Am I stupidly drunk or out of my head on drugs? Well the answer to all those questions, in a word is..No…The real reason why I’ve started this is pretty straight forward..BOREDOM! That’s it really..bored out of my tree so I thought I’d let you guys be bored with me.

So let me introduce myself. Mid 20’s, male, gay, single (still) and looking (still), live in sunny London Town. Anything else you wish to know, questions on a postcard please. Just underneath these basics, I’m actually a very nice person, love meeting new people, eager to be happy in my life and what I do and can’t wait to experience what life has to offer me.

Having not done the university thing (and never really wanting to) I’ve been stuck in the mad rat race for all of my teenage life. Done plenty, still want to do more. And this was one of them as a matter of fact. So yay me! Another item to tick off the list..Anyway, follow me as we experience, parties, fashion, men, drink, friends and drama. This may be a life you’d want to live. Or not.

I intend to remain completely anonymous throughout this blog…but I thought I’d just let you have a glimpse of me…so if you ever see this arm/ leg or wristband about town..say hi!

Friends..AGAIN!!

OK…I know i’ve done a blog on friends before, but hey…I DON’T CARE! 

However this one is slightly different. This one is about…that’s right…online friends.

So I have a friend (online) who I’ve known for about 6 months now. Yes I only started talking to him at first cos he was fiiinnne!! Shallow I know. But time went on and it turned out he was actually a pretty decent guy. From the first day we spoke, we’d talk if not everyday, then every other day for a bit. Nothing too much, just about the day we’ve had and obviously getting to know eachother more. It carried on like this for a while I like to think.

So 6 months have now passed and i have still not met him…we’ve passed eachother once or twice, but never actually met up and sat down to have a chat. Saying this, I think our connection is getting stronger and stronger..he is actually the only reason why I stay up late at night/early morning (i’m talking 5/6am here)…we talk for hours and hours and then look at the time…the hours literally fly by.

I have NEVER spoken to a man that I have so much in common with..and i don’t just mean things like food and drink…i’m talking music, books, views on society, views on our own lives. This man intrigues me as everyday passes…he’s like a book…so much to tell and so much to learn from. I’ve told him things my parents don’t know. I’ve told him things NO ONE knows, yet he still sees me as the person I am now.

We had a chat last night/this morning and both agreed that we are the most important thing to happen in eachother’s lives for years. This man to me is pretty much the boyfriend I never had (for my sins)…I find it hard not to get more and more attracted to him…not just in the physical sense either. Problem there is, he has a boyfriend…but anyway, this man has inspired me to do things…in fact if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be blogging..he helped me find my voice.

Today I was bored and was lying on my bed listening to some music…and a track came on that reminded me of him…a track I know is his favourite by that particular artist. As I heard it, a huge smile spread across my face and yes he crossed my mind..I then had to stop myself for a minute…I mean I’ve not even met the guy yet.

So my question….is it REALLY possible for two online friends to have such a connection??? Is it really possible for someone to have this kind of effect on another person? Or have I got myself in to deep?? I know I will never let our friendship end because of this, and I like to think I’m a pretty head strong person. Yet this man has had this effect on me like NO ONE ever has before…especially online! What the hell is going on!??!?! I wouldn’t say I’m falling for him as such..in fact I don’t know what I would say I am doing…but I don’t think it’s falling…it’s something I don’t recognise…and it’s scaring the hell out of me, yet it feels nice at the same time.

Confusing eh??? 😀

White Season

OK, so I’ve just watched White Girl on bbc2..part of the White Season..call me racist if you like , but i’m sorry, but this can not be used as proof that “white working class” people are being ignored..this just represented a disfunctional family…a mother on drugs and drink, 3 kids with 2 different dads, a husband who’s a complete wanker…yes they moved into a shithole, but they’re in a shithol along with the rest of the people living in the area! As British people, we had a whale of a time for 300 or 400 years..force our tradition against other countries??? NO PROBLEM..Make Africa work their socks off to pay a loan with a RIDICULOUS interest?? NO PROBLEM! Now that England are getting a taste of their own medicine, we throw the toys out the pram! If People are soo pissed off about having a shit job and house..get an education, get urself a job, save some money..it’s simple! That’s what my family did. That’s what I’ve done! People cannot use immigration as a reason..the jobs were always here before immigration…I am a black 20 year old..working since I was 16..my parents are black, working since they were 16. My grandparents, who have worked since the day they arrived in this country..just like these White Working Class people, we have paid money in tax, we have worked longer hours for less money..we have had to wait in queues for things…this is not the white working class being ignored…this is purely people not wanting to get off their butts and do something! I’m probably gonna get a load of people calling me racist blah blah, but hey..what can I say?!?!

Friends

It’s been a good while since I did a blog, but I kinda felt the need to do one today. Since my last blog life has had it’s ups and downs. Job interviews came and went and a job was finally offered. Yet the thing that has been bugging me most is “friends”. Now i’ve made a lot of friends on the internet which I am not ashamed to admit. No I haven’t had sex with all of them. Some of them are literally just that..friends. Yet I’ve been having thoughts about who my true friends are for a while now. I think it all came from meeting this one person. I met someone, liked him (really liked him in fact), he liked me (as far as I knew), we did the deed etc, things were looking good. Then circumstances changed which meant things were taken down a level which again is cool. Well not cool, but there’s nothing that can be done about it, so it’s accepted! Now after we had “taken things down a level”, things changed a lot between us..we were A LOT more distant for some reason. When I say distant, I mean conversation almost went dead. I thought I was a good judge of character, yet this person has become a completely different person to the one I met. And I don’t know if I like it. I don’t want the friendship to end, cos I think deep down I’d still like something to be able to happen between us at some point, yet the person that he’s become now is not someone I like to associate with. Down to the fact that communication has broken down SIGNIFICACNTLY! And I’m sure he’s blocked me on MSN..but I’m just speculating there. Now I udnerstand that people are busy living lives and working..I’m doing just that..But when communication has cut down as much as it has, it’s not very nice! Consideration and a bit of gratitude is free right??  I’m blabbing on a bit I must admit, but this has been on my mind a damn lot and I needed to get it off my chest. One thing I hate to do is A) Loose a friendship and B) not communicate. When I feel something, I will say something. If I’m friends with someone, I feel that communication is key to keeping that friendship. Yet I am making a difficult decision here. I’m not going to contact him. If he wants to contact me, he has my number etc. That way I can’t be pressuring anyone right?? I’m still blabbing on so I’ll stop, but I’ll keep you posted as to how it goes!! 

The ex cabin crew boi and the bendy bus nightmare!

OK. So the weekend just gone i went to nottingham to spend some time with some lovely important people in my life. Had a great time and can’t wait to see them again. Anyway I’m coming home from a great weekend and I get to Liverpool Street station. London Underground have decided to take up tracks on a busy weekend (which makes no sense to me cos weekends are ALWAYS busy) so I have to get to sunny Stratford station. Fine by me…then I decide i need to get a bus to get home. I go out the station and hey presto there’s a number 25 bus waiting for me..I run (i don’t usually run for transport but i wanted to get home) and jump on what is a rather busy bus..i’m standing by the doors of this stupidly bendy bus! then we stop at a bus stop…the doors open…and a rahter BIG family decide to BARGE their way thru onto the bus…and when i say barge i mean barge! A woman was getting off the bus with a buggy, yet they insisted on pushing and pushing..and LAUGHING about it! The wife pushed into me…now i know sometimes you can’t help bumping into people, but whatever you do..DO NOT PUSH ME!!! I gave this woman and her husband the dirtiest possible look so that they got the message…she looks away..then does it AGAIN! So i said to the husband “anymore pushing and there will be trouble!” it was like this for A LOT of the journey…to the point where i decided i’d be better off walking to ilford and save my humility! Why am i telling you this story??? Well..i’m an ex trolley dolly..i’m used to organised seats and gliding down the aisles…i’m used to aluminium tubes…NOW KEN IF YOU’RE READING THIS, LISTEN CAREFULLY…BENDY BUSES ARE USELESS!! Public transport is a NIGHTMARE! I am rather misanthropic (as is a very dear friend of mine so he will feel my pain!)..yet Ken, you don’t seem to take us misanthropic people into consideration!!! Maybe I am turning into a miserable old man before my time, but personally I CAN’T BARE THE PUBLIC! One more thing..the family were a polish family…who i don’t think spoke much English…now I am not racist in the SLIGHTEST! However, if this is how they behave in Poland, they need to be given lessons on how we behave in public and on public transport!! I pay bloody good money in tax to “IMPROVE” our transport system and I don’t see why I, who was born and bred in this country (as well as my parents) should have to suffer at the hands of naive people! It just ain’t on mate!! Moan OVER 😀

Will the ever understand???

Another day, another argument with the mother..over my sexuality…so this is the situation…mummy thinks i’ve been a bit of a whore, because I slept with 2 guys within 2 months of eachother…now in the gay world as far as I’m concerned, that makes you frigid….amongst other things, she told me that me being who I am (gay) is making her answer questions to people that she doesn’t want to answer…she thinks I should “hide” my sexuality…Now I am proud of who I am…gay or not…I don’t parade my sexuality to the world…but if someone asks me if I’m gay, I’m not going to sit there and blatantly deny who I am…mummy thinks that is wrong… Do you think it’s wrong?? Is there anything wrong with being true to othe people and therefore true to yourself? I started wondering if my mum didn’t understand me..or if she just didn’t understand the gay “world” (i hate using that term, but best way to describe it i guess)…do you think straight people will ever understand gay people? Or am I just being naiive, thinking that most people who are “out” are like me?? I don’t know..i’m a bit confused.com tonight 😦

Tears

Well today has been a REALLY odd day for me…I went to bed last night a rather happy creature I thought..I woke up this morning..had my cereal, had my orange juice..EVEN got my endorphins racing by doing a workout!! I sat on my bed…and just burst into tears! NO idea why whatsoever!! I’ve been at home all day thinking as to why I’d be crying like that..and couldn’t come up with a valid reason! Yeah I’ve got a few problems going on, but nothing that I’ve not had to deal with before… Then it got me thinking…are tears really an expression of how we are feeling at the time?? Or are they just a load of emotions built up from a chain of events?? Are tears a kind of explosion from a ticking bomb???? I don’t know the answer, but i thought i’d just see what you guys thought?!?! 😀